Recently I contacted his agent and inquired to his whereabouts for an interview. His people gave me an address of an IHOP in southern California and told me to be by the dumpsters around 11 in the morning. As you can suspect, I was puzzled but I went there anyway. Right around 11, a skinny figure appeared in the doorway wearing a grease covered apron and a hairnet. As I approached, he lit a cigarette and I realized it was the one and only John Frusciante....
Frusciante: Please, with the formalities. Call me Maximilian Coppertone.
RS: Um, can I call you John?
Frusciante: (watches a fly swirl around his head)
RS: Yeah, so John. Do you eat at this IHOP a lot or something?
Frusciante: Well whatever gets sent back I usually take a bite of or after my shift I grab whatever hasn’t touched the sides of the trash can.
RS: You mean you work here? You left one of the biggest Rock and Roll bands in the world to come work at an IHOP. Why?
Frusciante: The rock and roll thing got to be too much. I was having way too much fun on the road. People adored and loved me. I had top notch meals every night. Fancy hotels. Anything I wanted I could have. I had so much money coming in that I could set my whole family up for their whole lives easy. No stress. No worries. It got to be excruciating.
RS: To most people, that sounds like the dream.
Frusciante: I couldn't take it. I mean, I worked my whole life to be a great guitar player and make a career out of it. Provide for my family you know. And even though I was doing exactly what I set out to do and I mean exactly to the T what I set out to do, I thought maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe there is something more out there. Like making pancakes for instance.
RS: Like making pancakes?
Frusciante: I realized that was my next calling. Not to be a rock star but to be a pancake maker. That’s why I quit and look at me now. Doing exactly what I set out to do...again.
RS: You smell like bacon.
Frusciante: That’s the smell of happiness my good man. Sure, my wife and kids left me after I sold the house and burned all my money. And so what, I live in a one bedroom apartment above a convenient store. They have a Street Fighter arcade machine and said I could play anytime I want. I just feel like I can really be me with this pancake gig. I can really use my creativity out here in ways I never could with a guitar. Like you want a whip cream smiley face on that flap jack? You got it. Sliced banana eyebrows? With pleasure. Extra chocolate chips? It’s going to cost you but I’ll make it happen.
RS: But what can you say to your millions of fans out there who love you for your music. Don’t you feel like you turned your back on them?
Frusciante: I have new fans now. Fans who love a great breakfast at a fair price. Fans who don’t mind a syrup sticky table time and time again. Fans who don’t necessarily pay attention to health code violations. Those are the people I do this for now. And when I see that 80 year old couple or that morbidly obese woman with her morbidly obese children leave this place with a satisfied smile, well mister, that’s worth more to me then the thousands of people who would come out to see me play guitar on a nightly basis.
RS: Did you watch the Super Bowl this year? Your old band mates playing halftime with Bruno Mars was pretty entertaining.
Frusciante: I don't own a T.V but I always have a football game going on in my head. The Newark Tornados versus the Kenosha Maroons and it is a barn burner. George "Shaky Bones" Seasholtz just broke a 40 yard run. The Tornados are weak in the secondary since their linebacker was killed the first World War.
RS: Um, yeah. Interesting. Well do you ever listen to the old Chili Peppers stuff? Reminisce at all? Like right now, if you had to pick you’re favorite Red Hot Chili Pepper album, what would it be?
Frusciante: I would say One Hot Minute
RS: You know Dave Navvaro played guitar on that one right?
Frusciante: Oh, well the newest one then.
RS: Obviously you weren’t on that one either.
Frusciante: Zeppelin III?
RS: Not a Chili Pepper album
Frusciante: The Vampire Diaries?
RS: That’s a TV show. John listen, lets wrap this up. What’s the future hold for you?
Frusciante: If the Gods are kind, I’ll be here for a while.
And with that, he flicked his cigarette butt, tied his apron, posed like Superman for an awkward amount of time and walked back inside. As I walked away I heard his boss yell “Frusciante, you moron. Table 8 wanted blueberry pancakes.”