1. Firm believer that the only lists should be with Santa, in my favorite sports highlights and on Letterman.
2. The first list ever made was the Ten Commandments and event that had some flaws. “Thou shall not covet.” I’m single and drive a crappy Pontiac. My neighbor has a smoking hot wife and drives a brand new Audi. Commence coveting.
3. List makers are assholes. Probably.
I just don’t understand why people love lists. Buzzfeed.com consists of almost nothing but lists and they only get a few million views a day. I...think that is a lot of people actually. I would do some despicable, horrendous things to get that kind of traffic. On second thought, I could write a list or two. I could be really good at it. Who am i kidding? I'm probably awesome at it. Maybe one of my lists could impress the higher ups over at Buzzfeed. Then they could offer me a job. Give me my own office. Maybe let me drive around the company car or party on the company yacht. Maybe snort the company's coke off the breasts of the company's hookers. Sorry, I just watched The Wolf of Wall Street. If they did that though, I would shut this little shit hole website of mine down before you could say "I love lists." I swear I will. Call me Buzzfeed. I love you!