The world of video games was rocked yesterday as Super Mario from the Super Mario Brothers announced he has been diagnosed with a very severe case of dementia. Super Mario, accompanied by his wife, Princess Peach-Mario, read a statement in front of their Santa Monica home yesterday. Mario described that while working with Nintendo he has suffered hundreds of concussions due to repeat hits to the head. “I've been breaking bricks with my head for over 25 years. What did Nintendo think would happen? Hitting the question mark boxes and the multiple coin boxes were the worst of it. Those didn't even break away; it was like banging your head against a cement wall.”
Super Mario went on to claim that Nintendo knew of these concussions but did nothing other than pump him full of mushrooms and fireball flowers. He claims he doesn't even remember being in Mario 64. “They (Nintendo) were making money giant white glove over giant white glove with me. I was a rock star. There was no way they were putting me on the shelf. People only wanted to be me. Sure my brother Luigi was there but nobody wanted to be Luigi. I don’t think Luigi wanted to be Luigi. God rest his soul.”
Luigi’s body was mysteriously found washed ashore in 1997 with a bullet hole in his right temple. Blue hedgehog hair was found under his fingernails but the culprit was never brought to justice and the case is still open.
In a joint lawsuit Mario, along with a large cast of Nintendo characters are suing the Nintendo Corporation for an undisclosed amount. “I was the face of Nintendo but people don't realize the head trauma people like the Koopa Troopa’s, Goomba’s and Bullet Bills of the world took. I know I was the one jumping on their heads but we were all just following orders.” Mario was fighting back tears the entire time before he was ushered away by his wife. As he walked away he could be heard saying “I wish I was in Zelda.” The Nintendo Corporation could not be reached for comment.
Super Mario went on to claim that Nintendo knew of these concussions but did nothing other than pump him full of mushrooms and fireball flowers. He claims he doesn't even remember being in Mario 64. “They (Nintendo) were making money giant white glove over giant white glove with me. I was a rock star. There was no way they were putting me on the shelf. People only wanted to be me. Sure my brother Luigi was there but nobody wanted to be Luigi. I don’t think Luigi wanted to be Luigi. God rest his soul.”
Luigi’s body was mysteriously found washed ashore in 1997 with a bullet hole in his right temple. Blue hedgehog hair was found under his fingernails but the culprit was never brought to justice and the case is still open.
In a joint lawsuit Mario, along with a large cast of Nintendo characters are suing the Nintendo Corporation for an undisclosed amount. “I was the face of Nintendo but people don't realize the head trauma people like the Koopa Troopa’s, Goomba’s and Bullet Bills of the world took. I know I was the one jumping on their heads but we were all just following orders.” Mario was fighting back tears the entire time before he was ushered away by his wife. As he walked away he could be heard saying “I wish I was in Zelda.” The Nintendo Corporation could not be reached for comment.
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