Below I wrote one simple scene about the biblical character Lot, if he had walked into a bar for a drink. If you don't know the story of Lot, this scene will fill you in. Now keep in mind, everything I wrote about what happened to Lot (other then the whole walking into a bar thing) is completely ripped from the pages of The Bible. I put the actual Bible verses at the very end so you can see for yourself. All I can say is if I knew this kind of smut was at my disposal as a kid in Sunday School, I would have spent more time reading and less time drawing Ninja Turtles. Enjoy....
“I told my wife she should listen to me more,” Lot said as he sipped a freshly poured beer. His hands shook less now. This was his fourth and these were his first words since walking in. “I told her. One day. One day you’re not going to listen to me and it’s going to come around and bite you in the ass.”
The bartender continued to dry a glass and flicked a toothpick back and forth from the corners of his mouth. The bar was empty except for a dusty, unshaven Lot, a couple rickety wooden chairs that lined the bar and a two rock etchings that hung on the wall reading “BEER: Helping men dance since 1 B.C.” and "$2 Goat Milk Shots."
“What happened to her pal?” the bartender asked.
“Salt,” Lot mumbled.
“Salt man. Salt.”
“I don’t understand.”
“She was turned into fucking salt," Lot said as he grabbed a pile from his pocket and spread it across the bar top. "Just like this."
The bartender stopped drying his glass and furrowed his brow. He wondered if that was really her but didn't ask. He would have to sweep it up later regardless. Having human salt laying around was bad for business. Or at least he guessed.
“She was turned into salt because she looked back,” Lot said staring into his drink.
“Looked back at what pal?”
“At Sodom and Gomorrah,” he said slowly turning his mug. “As it burned to the ground.”
The bartender sprang off the wall. “Whoa, wait. Burned to the ground?”
“Yeah completely destroyed. God let me and my family get out before and told us not to look back but she didn't fucking listen”
“Destroyed,” the bartender shrieked wide eyed. “And the people living there?”
“No that’s impossible. That’s where all my business comes from,” the bartender almost whispered to himself as he began to pace back and forth behind the bar. “Are you sure they’re all dead?”
“She looked back and instantly turned to salt. My wife. My poor, poor wife. My sun. My star. My moon. My love.”
“How the fuck am I going to keep this place open?” the bartender said nervously as he clasped his hands behind his head. “I’ll never be able to pay the bills without any fucking patrons. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“It was God’s will. Sodom and Gomorrah was too evil. Too evil to continue existence.”
“Goddamn it," the bartender said pounding his fist on the bar top.
"That's the idea," Lot said not flinching.
"Evil drinkers are the best drinkers," the bartender continued. "Why doesn't God think about what he’s doing to the small business owner? He gets all high and mighty and wants to impose his will. What about my fucking will? I’m just trying to make a living here.”
“They tried to gang rape two angels I had at my house.”
“I just bought six months worth of liquor too. It literally and I mean literally just showed up ten minutes ago.”
“I offered them my virgin daughters instead.”
“And the rent is due. Oh mother fucker. Micha said he’s going to have his boys break my legs if I’m late again.”
“It’s just me and my two daughters living in a dirty cave now. I keep having horribly vivid dreams that they are having sex with me.”
“I have insurance. I can burn this place down. Yeah that’s what I can do. Start new.”
“Then I wake up with my pants off.”
“I can set up shop far away from here. Get out of this fucking desert. Get near water maybe.”
"I just have a horrible, horrible feeling...."
“Fuck who am I kidding. It’s all desert out here. I am so screwed.”
“I may have impregnated my daughters.”
“I’ll have to start farming or some bull shit like...wait what?”
“Nothing, I’m just rambling," Lot said wearily getting to his feet. He downed the rest of his beer and dropped a couple coins on the counter. "Take care, friend."
The bartender stood in silence for a moment as he watched Lot stumble out of the bar and disappear into the hot desert sun.
"Now," the bartender said as he started pilfering through all his things. "Where in God's name are my matches?"
"By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. Then the Lord rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah from the Lord out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities and also the vegetation in the land. But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt."
"One Day the older daughter said to the younger, Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father."