Lone Survivor came out on DVD this week. It stars Mark Wahlberg in the true story of a Navy Seal and his team on a mission to capture a deadly Taliban leader only to be ambushed behind enemy lines. The team is left for the fight for their lives in one of the most valiant efforts of modern warfare. Now I basically just ripped that right from the back of the DVD case. I don't really give a shit about this movie. All I see in this is Hollywood milking the cash cow that is American pride. It's a simple formula. Throw some American heroes in enemy territory and watch them prevail by either killing all the bad guys or saying some cheesy line when they sacrifice themselves to kill all the bad guys. Then watch as that patriotic self admiration swells up and that patriotic wallet slims down. It's so easy to drape a turd movie in the American flag and watch these red, white and blue dumb asses flock to it like ants to a 4th of July picnic.
Now before all you Military can do no wrong, super Americans jump down my throat (You know who you are. You have an everyday wearin' camo hat which is totally different from your goin' out on the town camo hat.) just relax a second. Yes, the true story itself is heroic and tragic and harrowing. The men they portray and those like it are real heroes and I truly appreciate everything they do. All I do is sit behind a laptop and make dick jokes. There is no way a pussy like me could even make it through basic training. So don't get all butt hurt because you have horrible taste in movies.
Anyway, that's not even what this article is about. I just went on what we city folk call a tangent. Now my main point. Coming from the prospective of a fan and admirer of cinema, I have one huge problem with Lone Survivor. THEY PUT THE FUCKING ENDING IN THE FUCKING TITLE. Lone Survivor?!?! I wonder how many people are going to live. There's like five guys on that team I can count in the previews. I can take a pretty accurate guess how many make it out. Maybe just Mark Wahlberg? I'm guessing since he's on the cover of the poster, he might have a great shot at it. Call me crazy but Ben Foster sure as hell isn't going to make it out! Sorry Ben, I hope you weren't counting on being in Lone Survivor 2. So this got me thinking, what if other movies took the Lone Survivor approach; giving away the ending or exposing major plot points in the title. Let's see what it looks like....(REALLY OLD SPOILERS AFTER THE BREAK)
Now before all you Military can do no wrong, super Americans jump down my throat (You know who you are. You have an everyday wearin' camo hat which is totally different from your goin' out on the town camo hat.) just relax a second. Yes, the true story itself is heroic and tragic and harrowing. The men they portray and those like it are real heroes and I truly appreciate everything they do. All I do is sit behind a laptop and make dick jokes. There is no way a pussy like me could even make it through basic training. So don't get all butt hurt because you have horrible taste in movies.
Anyway, that's not even what this article is about. I just went on what we city folk call a tangent. Now my main point. Coming from the prospective of a fan and admirer of cinema, I have one huge problem with Lone Survivor. THEY PUT THE FUCKING ENDING IN THE FUCKING TITLE. Lone Survivor?!?! I wonder how many people are going to live. There's like five guys on that team I can count in the previews. I can take a pretty accurate guess how many make it out. Maybe just Mark Wahlberg? I'm guessing since he's on the cover of the poster, he might have a great shot at it. Call me crazy but Ben Foster sure as hell isn't going to make it out! Sorry Ben, I hope you weren't counting on being in Lone Survivor 2. So this got me thinking, what if other movies took the Lone Survivor approach; giving away the ending or exposing major plot points in the title. Let's see what it looks like....(REALLY OLD SPOILERS AFTER THE BREAK)
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