Recently I contacted his agent and inquired to his whereabouts for an interview. His people gave me an address of an IHOP in southern California and told me to be by the dumpsters around 11 in the morning. As you can suspect, I was puzzled but I went there anyway. Right around 11, a skinny figure appeared in the doorway wearing a grease covered apron and a hairnet. As I approached, he lit a cigarette and I realized it was the one and only John Frusciante....
Being a very small time blog, I don’t usually get to interview celebrities or anyone remotely famous for that matter. So you can imagine my excitement when I was given the opportunity to interview the one and only John Frusciante, former guitar player of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. John was a part of the Chili Peppers during most of their rise to stardom and ultimate worldwide success. With hits like “Under the Bridge,” “Scar Tissue” and “Dani California,” Frusciante carved his name into the list of all-time great guitar players and song writers. In 2008, he left the band for undisclosed reasons and most have not heard from him since.
Recently I contacted his agent and inquired to his whereabouts for an interview. His people gave me an address of an IHOP in southern California and told me to be by the dumpsters around 11 in the morning. As you can suspect, I was puzzled but I went there anyway. Right around 11, a skinny figure appeared in the doorway wearing a grease covered apron and a hairnet. As I approached, he lit a cigarette and I realized it was the one and only John Frusciante....
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After performing with Bruno Mars at Super Bowl XLVII, Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers made public that he is officially trying to find out how far he can go before women will stop wanting to fuck him. The 51 year old front man has gone to great lengths to see how far is far enough to keep women away.
Everything from appearing shirtless on stage after letting his body grow into a plump, Pillsbury Doughboy version of its former self, to wearing weird leggings under his shorts, to growing the dirtiest, most pedophile mustache he possibly could. Kiedis hopes this Super Bowl performance will once and for all help him find out how much it takes to turn from a Rock n' Roll sex idol to that creepy older guy who works at your local gas station. Only time will tell. I consider myself a pretty laid back, simple kind of creature. I’ve only asked for a few things in life. A sexy, tall haired wife, the occasional romp through the village to scare locals, and not to tarnish this image I’ve worked so hard to uphold. Up until now, (if you ignore the 1993 Frankenberry Slander Lawsuit/ Frankenberry Disappearance Case) those needs have been met. So yesterday, I turned on the television to watch The Steve Harvey Show as I do most mornings and I see this ridiculous trailer for a movie called I, Frankenstein. I was so shocked I spit my mango chai tea clear across the room. Not only was I not asked permission or approached about this movie but they actually advertise that it’s from the creators of Underworld. Urrrrgghhhhhhh. That’s like a dentist advertising “From the creator of your last extremely painful root canal, comes another extremely painful root canal.” Now a whole generation of young people who may not know me could be ruined forever. The great works I did in Bride of Frankenstein. Abbott and Castello Meet Frankenstein, The Munsters and my Mary Shelly collaborations; all down the drain and replaced with this: “Set in a dystopic present where vigilant gargoyles and ferocious demons rage in a battle for ultimate power, Victor Frankenstein's creation Adam (Aaron Eckhart) finds himself caught in the middle as both sides race to discover the secret to his immortality.” Vigilant gargoyles? Ferocious demons? You know what I'm fighting at my age? Vigilant diabetes and a ferociously swollen prostate. And listen, I've never met Aaron Eckhart. I feel like I would have no problem with him personally. He seems like a nice, upstanding individual. He’s had an excellent movie career so far. Nice smile. Good hair. Probably emits a pleasant smelling musk. I really enjoyed his Harvey Dent. But he’s all wrong for Frankenstein’s monster. I’m big and menacing. I strike fear in the audience. Was The Rock on vacation or something? Did they even ask Sly Stallone? He already looks like he was put together in a lab. Hell, even Vince Vaughn; he's like seven foot tall at least. Take it from me. Stay far away from I,Frankenstein. If you really want something to make your bolts spark, go see a little hidden gem called Frozen. An instant animated classic about one sister trying to kill the other sister with ice. I could not stop laughing. Two hours of pure happiness. And I mean the snowman talks in it! Snowmen can’t talk! Nobody told him though. Amiright?? So good. |
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