"For whosoever shall call upon the name of Kershaw shall be saved." - Romans 10:13
After years of preaching His fellowship, Joe Buck has accepted Clayton Kershaw as his personal Lord and Savior. Buck was baptized yesterday morning in a small section of the Los Angeles river wearing a full Dodgers uniform, as is customary for baptisms into the Church of Kershaw. Buck said he has opened his heart and soul to the Great One and looks forward to spending eternity in the Kingdom of Kershaw watching Him throw fast balls and off speed pitches to the Angels above.
"I've been washed in the blood of Clayton Kershaw today," Buck said as he clasped his hands and bowed his head. "I've followed his Holy Spirit and preached His gospel for years to millions of people who didn't ask and didn't want to hear about it. But the time for repentance is upon us my brothers and sisters. The time is nigh I tell you. He has been placed on this Earth to save anyone who accepts Him into their hearts and to strike out the side."
Followers of the Church believe any and all good that happens in baseball is due only to grace and glory of Clayton Kershaw and what He does from the mound or pulpit as His believers call it. The church has only a few simple commandments:
1. Honor thy father and thy mother.
2. Don't hang thy curveball over the center of the plate on a full count.
3. Never stop talking about Clayton Kershaw during all aspects of thy game.
Buck has been practicing these commandments for every Dodgers game he has been in the broadcast booth for and plans to continue his ways until, Kershaw forbid, he retires from baseball.
"How could you not talk about His Grace for nine innings," Buck said crossing himself in the shape of home plate. "I could go on for days about what a dominant force He is. And when someone gets a hit off of Him, I praise His wisdom for letting that batter on base. If He's not pitching that day, I praise Him about what He did the last game or how He would have handled it if He was in the game. Glory be to Kershaw in the highest Heaven and on Earth, a one hit, complete game shut out. Amen."
"I've been washed in the blood of Clayton Kershaw today," Buck said as he clasped his hands and bowed his head. "I've followed his Holy Spirit and preached His gospel for years to millions of people who didn't ask and didn't want to hear about it. But the time for repentance is upon us my brothers and sisters. The time is nigh I tell you. He has been placed on this Earth to save anyone who accepts Him into their hearts and to strike out the side."
Followers of the Church believe any and all good that happens in baseball is due only to grace and glory of Clayton Kershaw and what He does from the mound or pulpit as His believers call it. The church has only a few simple commandments:
1. Honor thy father and thy mother.
2. Don't hang thy curveball over the center of the plate on a full count.
3. Never stop talking about Clayton Kershaw during all aspects of thy game.
Buck has been practicing these commandments for every Dodgers game he has been in the broadcast booth for and plans to continue his ways until, Kershaw forbid, he retires from baseball.
"How could you not talk about His Grace for nine innings," Buck said crossing himself in the shape of home plate. "I could go on for days about what a dominant force He is. And when someone gets a hit off of Him, I praise His wisdom for letting that batter on base. If He's not pitching that day, I praise Him about what He did the last game or how He would have handled it if He was in the game. Glory be to Kershaw in the highest Heaven and on Earth, a one hit, complete game shut out. Amen."
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